League of Nations

I often get asked where my favourite places are.  So here’s my utterly (and irreverently) subjective list of my favourite nations in the world.

It’s hard to do a list like this as there are some things that drive me nuts about even my most favourite countries but take heart – this list is VERY top-heavy: If your country is in the top one hundred I really really like the place and can’t wait to go back.

If you’re in the following fifty, I would heartily recommend your country to anyone who was feeling frisky or adventurous.

If your country is in the bottom thirty, your country is probably not that much fun.  But it says more about the government than it does the people… in fact, what are you doing reading this? Go out and ferment revolution!!!

Rank	Country	Comments/Justification
1	England	Oh pretty England, you have no idea how lucky you are…
2	Egypt	The Greatest Show On Earth.
3	Bolivia	The backpacker’s equivalent of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.
4	Thailand	Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the ladyboys!
5	Madagascar	The countryside is gorgeous, the seafood is cheap, they have lemurs that dance and everyone wears hats. WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?!!
6	Iran	A surprisingly high entry considering how awful the government is, but the overwhelming hospitality of the people left me gobsmacked. I would return in a shot.
7	Australia	Nowhere on the planet do the stars shine brighter.
8	Spain	Tapas! Beer! Siesta! Tapas! Beer! Fiesta!
9	Azerbaijan	My favourite word of all time.  That’ll do for a reason eh?
10	USA	If I was a country I’d be the US – loud, obnoxious, irrepressible, unquestionably talented and more fun than you can shake a stick at.
11	Uzbekistan	Another surprise entry considering the architecture is dreadful, the government require you to declare the colour of your underwear and the biggest banknote is worth tuppence, but again, it’s the amazing hospitality of the people that leaves me spellbound.
12	Italy	Packed with cities of exquisite beauty and a countryside that will take your breath away. The scran ain’t half bad neither…
13	Greece	The birthplace of Homer, Plato, Herodotus and democracy. Go in spring for the wildflowers. Lovely!!
14	Scotland	Thinking about it, I don’t think there is anything about Scotland that I don’t like.
15	India	The nuttiest place in the universe, now how about some Chai?
16	Colombia	Beautiful beyond words. And that’s just the girls.
17	France	Whatever they’re cookin, I want some.
18	El Salvador	My top pick for Central America.
19	Malta	A beautiful blessed isle filled with some of the noblest people in the world. Love it.
20	Cambodia	Where else on Earth can you blow up a cow with a bazooka?
21	Croatia	STUNNING. Just stunning. I hear it’s the new Croatia.
22	Ecuador	Possibly the last place on Earth where they still let you ride on the roof of a train.
23	Denmark	My favourite slice of Scandinavia.
24	South Korea	Japan’s quieter, but infinitely cooler, little brother.
25	Eritrea	Probably my favourite place in sub-Saharan Africa – heartbreaking, beautiful, stoic.
26	Kyrgyzstan	A magical place set in the mountains of the Pamir ranges with the warmest hospitality you could imagine.
27	Vietnam	Simply fantastic – South East Asia is my favourite place on Earth.
28	Iceland	Like Nowhere Else On Earth’ is an overused expression, but in Iceland’s case it is apt.
29	Rwanda	This is Africa, I know, but Rwanda has picked itself up and dusted itself down since the 90s. It’s one of the few African states for whom I am hopeful for the future.
30	Brazil	My favourite Portuguese-speaking nation.
31	Lithuania	A beautiful little place, well worth the easyjet ticket.
32	Nepal	The gateway to the rooftop of the world.
33	Guatemala	More wonderful Latin America-ness.
34	Morocco	A country in which a visitor is a gift from God.
35	Germany	Awesome place with some particularly awesome architecture.
36	Iraq	Another great place with an extremely bad press, although my experience was limited to Iraqi Kurdistan. Another cup of tea, sir?
37	South Africa	Miles better than I thought it would be, and, for my money the best place for a holiday in Sub Saharan Africa. Just try not to get murdered!
38	The Philippines	Great place, lovely people.  I was only there for the weekend, but had a hoot. I’ll be back!!
39	Mexico	Mexico is everything you’d expect from Mexico and more.
40	Ireland	You can’t escape the craic. And why would you want to?
41	Turkey	I can’t help but love Turkey – great food, ancient ruins and things that make you go woo!!
42	Peru	Hop on board your flying condor and go join the trail of the Mysterious Cities of Gold
43	Sweden	Why do naughty thoughts pop into my head? I’m sure that’s a good thing, though.
44	Cuba	A beautiful island filled with beautiful people and beautiful cars. If you can go, go.
45	Georgia	A really cool place – Tbilisi has some stunning architecture hidden amongst the soviet tat and the people are great. Just don’t propose a toast using a pint of beer…!
46	Malaysia	A quieter version of Thailand, but once the drink starts flowing it can live it up with the best of them.
47	Jamaica	I only set one foot in Jamaica, but it gets a high placement thanks to its wonderful musical tradition.
48	Wales	Familiarity can breed contempt, but in the case of Wales, the more I see of it the more I love.
49	New Zealand	Okay, you’re back in the top 50. But if you want to get back in the top 20, you’ll have to give me a warm welcome when I get there
50	Jordan	Worth it just for Petra – The rose red city hewn from the rock of ages past – like nowhere else on Earth.
51	Slovenia	Ljubljana – as unforgettable as it is unpronounceable
52	Oman	Oman is my favourite of the Arabian peninsular countries. It’s cheap, laid-back and surprisingly fun.
53	Guyana	A welcome break from the ham and cheese sandwiches of Latin America
54	Bosnia & Herzegovina	Nothing compares with Mostar and Sarajevo on a sunny day.
55	Afghanistan	Don’t Stop Believin‘ – the Afghans haven’t.
56	Dominican Republic	A welcome break from the fried chicken of The Caribbean
57	Swaziland	Wow – an African country I wouldn’t hesitate to return to!!
58	Laos	More fun than than you can shake a stick at.
59	Poland	YES. Poland can stay as long as it likes.
60	Saõ Tomé & Principé	It’s sometimes the forgotten places of Earth that turn out to be the most friendly and beautiful.
61	Montenegro	The new Croatia. Get it while it’s hot.
62	Netherlands	I’ve yet to meet an Amsterdam I didn’t like.
63	Taiwan	It’s not really been publicised, but Taiwan has made giant leaps in the last few years in their relationship with China. Fingers crossed for the future.
64	Czech Republic	Mmm. Is this my favourite Central European Country? I better Czech…
65	Slovakia	I guess you can’t have one without the other.
66	Canada	I get a warm fuzzy feeling when I think of Canada – big coats and hot chocolate. Lovely.
67	Serbia	I love Serbia, although anyone over the age of 35 should possibly get their head down.
68	Sierra Leone	Wonderful. I’ll be coming back one day.
69	Tunisia	Awesome place. Gets a plus for doubling as Tattooine in Star Wars.
70	Romania	Romania is great. Hell, they’ve got Dracula’s Castle, what more do you need?
71	Namibia	A welcome respite from the lunacy that is West and Central Africa.
72	Nicaragua	Massive lake, beautiful beautiful landscape.
73	Lebanon	Mountains that cascade down to the sea. Nice!
74	Estonia	Great little place, very nice policemen.
75	China	Yeah, the government is lousy and facebook is banned, but damn the food is good.
76	Austria	Altogether now: ooooooh VIENNA!!
77	Honduras	Great place, good food, lovely people.
78	Ghana	The people I warmed to most in West Africa were all from Ghana. Would have been nice to hit the interior.
79	Bulgaria	More stunning Eastern European landscapes.
80	Lesotho	A beautiful land hidden away in the mountains of South Africa, recommended.
81	The Gambia	A ridiculous place filled with ridiculous people. I loved every second of it.
82	Chile	You can’t argue with the Andes.
83	Kuwait	There is ALWAYS a house party to go to. I love house parties.
84	Kosovo	Hopefully a happy end to a sad story.
85	Hungary	Yeah, it’s okay. Think I prefer Slovenia, though.
86	Syria	Nothing will ever compare to the cold beer that Dino, Dan and I shared in Palmyra
87	Japan	Pokemon! Manga! Bukkake! Japan, you ROCK MY WORLD!!!
88	St. Kitts & Nevis	Really really cool people, a nice sleepy place.
89	Gabon	Hanging out with the Bwiti Tribe made it all worth it.
90	Kenya	I like Kenya. Don’t really know why, but I do. I’ll go back and find out if you like.
91	Finland	Anywhere that Father Christmas comes from can’t be all bad.
92	Latvia	I passed through Latvia at night, but if it’s anything like its bunkmates, I like it already.
93	Burkina Faso	The Land of Honest Men. And the capital is called Ouagadougou. What’s not to love?
94	Macedonia	Annoyed me a little by taking me off the train and taking me to the doctor, so gets a couple of points knocked off it’s score.
95	Argentina	Nice steaks, hot chicks.
96	The Bahamas	Stunning beaches spoilt by bad American dancing.
97	Ethiopia	Definitely worth a visit, Ethiopia is the REAL Africa – the only place that wasn’t mucked up by us lot in Europe with our silly hats and sillier moustaches.
98	Monaco	I’m not rich and I not famous, but even if I was… no.
99	Mali	The jewel in West Africa’s tattered crown. Worth returning to.
100	Norway	Too expensive!! But worth it if you love His Dark Materials.
101	Israel	Whilst the Israeli government doesn’t always do what’s best for the region (or Israel itself for that matter), it’s well worth a visit.
102	Costa Rica	A groovy place to hang your hat for a few weeks.
103	Indonesia	It’s good, but not quite as good as it’s neighbours – sorry!
104	Belgium	CHOCOLATE. BEER. What more does a weary traveller require?
105	Portugal	A quick border hop, so I shouldn’t say, but seems a lot less fun than Spain.
106	Botswana	Sub-Saharan Africa’s one (and only) success story. No wars, no kleptomaniac dictators, no apartheid – 44 years of free and fair elections. IT CAN BE DONE!!
107	Uruguay	Mostly harmless.
108	Russia	I spent about 5 seconds in Russia before running back like a frightened deer, but my word St. Petersburg looks amazing. On the telly.
109	Venezuela	An otherwise dull oil state enriched by its wonderful people.
110	Brunei	Worth it just to have Jerudong Playground all to yourself.
111	Panama	Hats and canals and cooooool.
112	Djibouti	Got plus points for the incredible guys who worked at the shipping agency, got a big minus when that policeman tapped me for a $20 bribe.
113	Mauritius	Wonderful place – check out my name on the wall in The Keg and Marlin!
114	Mongolia	I really didn’t spend enough time there, but from what I can gather Mongolia is exactly and brilliantly what you’d expect.
115	Tanzania	Home to Kili and Masai warriors. That alone makes it worth the trip.
116	Bhutan	The last great mysterious mountain kingdom. Respect!
117	Belize	Found it quite unwelcoming after basking in the warmth of Latin America.
118	Moldova	Bit of an awkward place to stick a country, don’t you think?
119	Ukraine	Fell out of love with Ukraine when they dropped the ‘The’.
120	Liechtenstein	Good for pub quizzes and that’s about it.
121	Trinidad & Tobago	Fun place, too many KFCs though, even for me.
122	Papua New Guinea	A difficult place to love, but kinda awesome in a really f—ked up way.
123	East Timor	Respect to East Timor for successfully breaking away from Indonesia, but a little too pricey and much to full of UN timewasters.
124	Grenada	It’s okay.
125	St Vincent & The Grenadines	Mmm, beautiful, beautiful islands. Worth it.
126	Barbados	Bridgetown was splendid but in danger of becoming a little sterile.
127	Malawi	Nice place you’re got here.
128	Kazakhstan	Famous for Borat, and that’s about it. Considering the size, I don’t really know what there is to do in Kazakhstan. ROCKET LAUNCHES!! Oh yeah, okay, now I know…!
129	Dominica	Not immensely appealing, but I never made it out of the capital.
130	San Marino	Gets marked down for not being on a railway and for killing Ayrton Senna.
131	Antigua & Barbuda	A lovely island, but overrun by the mega-rich.
132	Bahrain	An Arabian pleasure palace for hypocritical Saudis. But if you like Filipino cover bands…
133	Libya	Will be an AMAZING place to visit… once that crackpot in charge dies.
134	Suriname	Alas, a short border hop. Looked fun though.
135	Mozambique	My least problematic of the African ex-Portuguese colonies!
136	St Lucia	A little too overdeveloped. Preferred the Grenadines.
137	Nigeria	Corrupt on an inter-planetary scale, no electricity, dangerous drivers, email scams… but Calabar is possibly the best looking city in West Africa.
138	Albania	Twice I have dipped my toe into Albania. One day I’ll make it an entire foot.
139	Singapore	Too much like the dystopian world of ‘Demolition Man’ for my liking.
140	Algeria	One day Algeria will be BACK!, but not today.
141	UAE	A sterile place, wonderful for ex-pats looking to make a ton of money (tax-free!), but scratch beneath the glittery surface and you’ll find there’s little underneath.
142	Bangladesh	Dhaka has to be the filthiest city in the world, I wouldn’t really bother.
143	Vatican City	Don’t know why the pope needs to live in a fortress. Smacks of insecurity to me.
144	Zambia	Didn’t hang around long enough for an objective opinion, but seemed okay.
145	Western Sahara	Mmm… I love the desert, do you think they’re going to have that referendum anytime soon?
146	Luxembourg	I missed the point. I’ll find it one day.
147	Liberia	Was okay, but didn’t have the warmth of Sierra Leone.
148	Belarus	The USSR is alive and well… and living in Belarus.
149	Chad	Apart from that fantastic name, I don’t know what else to say about Chad.
150	Northern Ireland	A silly place full of silly people. But it’s getting better.
151	Togo	Buzzed through but it managed to put a smile on my face.
152	Côte D’Ivoire	Could have a bright future, but I’m not holding my breath.
153	Burundi	A country awakening from a nightmare. Let’s hope it never goes back to sleep.
154	Senegal	The two things Senegal has going for it are women and the Casamance. The rest of it is meh.
155	Cyprus	GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER CYPRUS, and I’ll put you in my top 20.
156	Benin	Given the prevalence of voodoo, there is plenty of scope for excitement, but I didn’t see it.
157	Andorra	A trifle dull if you’re not there to ski.
158	Uganda	I’m still peeved that they charged me $50 for a damn transit visa! Up yours, Uganda!!
159	Niger	Another African country damned by the utterly stupid borders drawn up by the Europeans in the 1880s.
160	Central African Republic	I honestly don’t know what CAR is, what it did, what it does, or what it will ever do.
161	Tajikistan	Ah yes, you’ve never heard of the place have you? There may be a reason for that…!
162	DR Congo	The size of Europe, the economy of Jamaica. Go figure.
163	Cameroon	A truly wonderful country totally ruined by less-than-wonderful policemen.
164	Angola	Wow! Angola is the most expensive place in the WORLD! And it’s dead hard to get in.
165	Armenia	A country sadly but entirely vandalised by the Soviets.
166	Mauritania	Beautiful desertscape marred by a distinctly ugly lack of human rights. They only made slavery illegal in the 1970s
167	Comoros	They’ve had 25 coup d’etats since the late 70s, and at any one time they have 4 presidents. Which is why they call it cloud Coup-Coup Land. Lovely people, though.
168	Qatar	Devilishly hot, horrifically expensive and bereft of character.
169	Sudan	In a place like Sudan, it’s quicker to ask what went right instead of going through everything that has gone wrong. Will no doubt split in two in 2011 – if they can do it without having yet another war I’ll be very happy.
170	Guinea-Bissau	An impoverished nation which will one day struggle out of its shell and be no doubt awesome. But not today.
171	Burma	Tourists are advised to stay away as it props up the military junta, which is a shame as Burma is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people.
172	Turkmenistan	An otherwise boring oil state which is only made interesting by the legacy of Turkmenbashi, its utterly cuckoo first president.
173	Haiti	A sad story of hell in paradise.
174	Equatorial Guinea	They have oil – they don’t want you, so why bother?
175	Zimbabwe	A beautiful country, by all accounts, sadly run by a modern-day Hitler, so I cannot recommend until he’s gone.
176	Switzerland	Provides the banking for the most evil men in the world and Toblerones go up your nose when you bite them.
177	Paraguay	I spent a few days in the capital Asuncion a few years ago and it really didn’t appeal.
178	Guinea	A nasty little police state. The people are nice, but the government and police/army are horrible, even by West African standards.
179	Somalia	Objectively the worst place in the world – the only place the FCO website tells you NOT to visit any part of. Although I would warmly recommend a trip to Somaliland in the north.
180	Palestine	There’s no pithy comment I can make about the Palestinian situation, it’s far too complex. I just wouldn’t want to live there.
181	Yemen	Sadly infested with right-wing religious nutcases, Yemen is otherwise the most beautiful bit of the entire Arabian peninsular.
182	North Korea	I guess it’s an interesting place to visit, but the humour of the situation quickly wears off when you consider the suffering inflicted on the Korean people for no good reason other than their leader is an utter psychopath.
183	Saudi Arabia	Changes are taking place, and I had a good time there, but Saudi Arabia will always be ground zero for some of the most unreasonable people on the planet.
184	Pakistan	This poor tortured state – sixty years of bad governance and natural disasters. Sadly, it looks like it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
185	Congo	“And what will you say about Congo?” asked the police after locking me up for six days. I’ll say it’s the best place in the world…
186	Cape Verde	No.